To hair, or not to hair....

(I know....cheesy title!)

The other night, Ed and I were brushing our teeth together and I was struck by the sheer ridiculousness of our situation.  Here we are, two 35-year-olds. Ed, who should be starting to lose his hair, has a full head.  Me, on the other hand....almost no hair.  I had to laugh out loud. Who would have ever thought?

Out of all of the aspects of having cancer, hair loss is obviously one of the less distressing factors.  It's only hair; it will grow back; blah, blah, blah.  But it's also the most visible side effect and the one that I have to deal with, day in and day out.  So I thought it was a topic that was worthy of its own blog entry. 

It's been almost 4 weeks since I had my hair buzzed off.  Since then, most of my hair has slowly fallen out, but it's been gradual.  I'm left looking fairly bald (although not shiny bald, by any stretch).  It's definitely more of an annoyance than anything else.  Each day, I put on my wig and go to work.  I know it looks good, but my head aches by the end of the day.  When I go other places, I usually put on a "halo", which is like a headband of hair that I wear with a hat.  I have a curly one and a straight one, and although I had heard these are more comfortable than wigs, they actually tend to hurt my head even more, and take more planning than a wig since I try to match a hat to my outfit.  So yeah, I look cute in my fake hair but it takes a lot of effort. 

As soon as I get home from work or an outing, I immediately take off my hair and put on a soft hat.  Since it's winter in Wisconsin, I very rarely go without a hat, except for sleeping.  Owen has made it clear that he prefers me in hair or a hat, and doesn't even like the bandana I occasionally wear (although I'm finding that to be a comfy option so we might need to work on that one). Colin, on the other hand, cuddles up to me in bed and never even seems to notice my bald head.  Gotta love the unconditional sweetness of a 2-year-old (although I do wish he didn't insist on climbing into our bed every single night)!

Tonight, however, I achieved a milestone for myself.  Sick of dealing with hair, I actually went out to dinner and to a store in just a hat (no hair).  I decided that no one is really looking at me and why should I go to so much effort just to go into my local Walgreens and Mexican restaurant? I think I'll try to do more of this, although I'm pretty certain I'll still don my hair when I am dressing up for work and other occasions.  It makes me feel better and less like a "poor cancer patient".  I used to put a lot of effort into my own hair, flat ironing my naturally curly hair almost every day.  Boy, you sure don't know how much you miss something until it's gone.  So to all of my readers out there who are having a bad hair day as you are reading this: appreciate your hair and be happy you have it!!!

On another note, I have enjoyed most of my "off" week. Ed and I were on our own but we managed to hold things together. I got a lot accomplished at work, had normal evenings with the boys, and even made it to a holiday get-together with my friends.  My weekend plans were thwarted, however, when I woke up on Friday with a stomach bug. I ended up sleeping away most of the day Friday and Saturday, and had to cancel the babysitter Ed and I had lined up for our date night.  Quite unfair, in my opinion, since I don't get too many good weekends. But hopefully I'm on the mend now.  And the boys are full of holiday excitement, making lists for Santa. ornaments for our tree, and talking nonstop about Christmas.  I think my favorite quote of the week was from Owen, who asked me as I was putting him to bed one night if he could "text his Christmas list to Santa."  Pretty funny!

Chemo number four is coming up on Tuesday, and after those side effects are done, I'll celebrate my half-way point of chemo on this long, long journey.  My mom and sister arrive next week, too, which will be wonderful.

Thanks again to all of you reading this who have sent me cards, emails, and little gifts in the mail, as well as to those of you keeping my family and me in your daily thoughts.  All of this helps so much to get me through these long and sometimes difficult days.