The beginning....

I wish I was starting a blog under better circumstances, but I guess life throws a few unexpected curves once in a while.  If you're reading this, you've probably heard in some way that I was diagnosed with breast cancer last night.  I've set up this blog as a way to keep my family and friends up-to-date on what I guess is going to be a very difficult time for my family and me. Although I'm a private person in some ways, I'm also the type of person who feels the need to reach out and share with those people who I care about. I know that I have a lot of support from all of you, however, so a big thank you in advance for caring enough to read this. Most of you probably know that I'm a big Facebook poster, but that's where I post fun things about my life and my boys - that didn't seem to be the appropriate place to post about this.

So here's what I know right now from a technical standpoint (and it's not a lot, believe me - I've only been aware of any of this for less than 48 hours). I felt a strange lump in my right breast about 2 weeks ago.  It wasn't anything I had noticed before and really didn't think anything of it.  I've breastfed 2 kids, and used to get lumps like this all the time.  But when it didn't go away by the following week, I called my doctor, who didn't sound overly concerned but told me to come in at some point. I went in last Thursday, and she told me she was 99% certain this was a fluid-filled cyst that was probably hormonal and would go away.  But she said I should have an ultrasound just to be sure.  So I still wasn't worried at all and didn't even tell anyone about the lump or upcoming ultrasound.  On Monday, however, when I went in for the ultrasound, I ended up also having a mammogram, a biopsy, and receiving a likely cancer diagnosis.  Last night, I received the final results back that it is breast cancer.  The technical name is invasive mammary ductal carcinoma, which is the most common kind (and also the most curable).  The average age that someone gets this is 60 (I'm 34) and the survival rate five years out is 80%.  My lump is on the large size (5 cm) and we don't know much more yet about any of the other factors (lymph node involvement, spread, etc).  I will learn more in the upcoming days, as I meet with my doctor again, the surgeon, etc.  It sounds like I will be having a mastectomy soon, followed by chemo, but I don't think anything is 100% definite until I have more tests and meet with the surgeon.

As you all know, Ed and I live in Wisconsin with our two spunky little boys, Owen and Colin (ages 5.5 and 2.5).  We have lots of friends and colleagues here but no family in the area.  Fortunately, my dad and his wife, Amalia were visiting when I received the diagnosis this week, which was very helpful.  My mom is flying in today to provide her help and support for as long as we need it (or until we burn her out!).  And I know I have tons of friends and family, both here and across the country, to provide additional support. I’m also happy that I chose a new general practice doctor to help me through this process who I have known through my mom’s group for the past couple of year and who is excellent (Jennifer Frank, for those of you who know her).  She’s already been very helpful in getting me my results as quickly as possible and answering my questions. I think that extra level of care will be helpful throughout this process.

But here’s why this all really sucks (pardon my language).  Ed and I are super-busy people trying to juggle two careers and two very smart, very active, very busy little boys. We have no family who lives in the area.  Things were just starting to go really well for us: Owen’s doing great in kindergarten, Colin is getting out of the baby phase, Ed’s career is taking off, and life was finally starting to get (slightly) easier.  I’m in the best shape of my life – ironically, I had just run 2.5 miles on my treadmill minutes before I went to my ultrasound on Monday. And the icing on the cake: I had just left my stressful job that I had to commute 25 minutes each way to and accepted a great new job at a company 4 minutes from my house.  I was scheduled to start the new job Oct. 31 so this was supposed to be my glorious 2 weeks between jobs.  Now, I don’t even have a job to be on leave from (although I guess I need to wait and see what my new company says when I talk to them over the next few days).  So this really all just stinks and doesn’t seem fair.  I don’t understand why it’s happening to me. It’s like the universe just turned on its axis this week and life has 100% changed. And it seems even more ironic that I received my diagnosis yesterday, on October 18th - the day Ed and I celebrated 16 years of being together.

Somehow we will get through this and I am hopeful that my prognosis will be good. But I guess even that’s not certain at this point.  I will try my best to keep everyone updated as I learn more over the upcoming week and months through this blog.  For me, reaching out and staying connected is critical to my mental health, and this seems like a good way to do it.  Your feedback and support is very important to me. Please keep my family in all of your thoughts and prayers and send us all of your most positive vibes. We need it right now.

Love, Amy